Story

There are some stories that have no significance at all, but you know that you're going to be telling it for a long time to come. This is one of them.

It was a usual day. I was in a hurry to go to some usual place. I'm always in a hurry.
Now, I wish I had an alternative mode of transport that comes as easy. But since I don't, I spend half my salary on auto-rides. So, I was waiting for an auto like any other day. One was parked a few metres away from me, but somehow I did not want to approach the driver standing next to it. After a few minutes of looking about like a homeless person, checking the time a million times and stomping my foot down in frustration as my phone continued to ring, he came. The auto driver standing and eating ice cream next to his parked vehicle came to me. He asked me where I wanted to go, I gave him vague directions and he nodded.

I seated myself and we took off. About 20 metres into the journey, he stopped the auto and said "bere aato thagoli madam" (take another auto, madam). By this time, I was anxious and had thrown my phone into my bag, to stop myself from checking the time again. I continued to sit inside, wondering how much longer it's going to take me to find another auto. I was imagining excuses I could give to the people that have been waiting for me. I was about half an hour late already. If I didn't get another auto in the next 5 minutes, including the transporting time, I would be over an hour late!

I don't know how long I sat there thinking, but I was interrupted when the driver finally looked back at me. I could see that he wasn't going to move. I had to get off. I thought to myself that there must be some problem with his vehicle and that's why he wanted me to take another auto instead. I climbed out of the auto and started looking around desperately once again.

I was searching the roads frantically and giving dirty looks to the tailor that stares a lot, when I heard an engine revving. There was no mistaking it. The distinct sound that old-fashioned autos (the ones with no electric meter or green exteriors or mobile-charging points) make when they're about to take off. My hopes of reaching in time to catch people before they leave and convince them to stay, were soaring high. I turned dramatically, with the hair swishing and everything. And almost immediately, my eyes widened in horror.

The auto that I had just climbed out of, was starting to move. I began to jog towards it. May be he had fixed the auto. If I manage to get his attention in the rear view mirror, may be he will drop me. I might actually reach my destination before everyone left! I almost had a relieved smile on my face, when I stopped abruptly in my tracks. The auto had halted a few metres before me. The enigne was still on, but he had stopped. I was smiling now. He had seen me in the mirror and stopped for me.

I took another step and before I could register what was happening, the auto driver had picked up another girl and sped off into the dirty bi-lanes of JC Nagar. As I stood there gaping behind the auto, almost waiting for him to come back, I could've sworn he smirked at me in the rear view mirror!

I stood there in utter horror, trying to tell myself that this was not one of those things that never happens to others. This is not one of those stories that would contribute to the reasons my life "should be on primetime".

Another auto soon came by, and I climbed in. I had a long way to go and very little time to do so.
 ------------

And thus is the story of the time I got dumped by an auto driver. It will be told in excruciating detail, may be even in the exact same words (with a few classic strange expressions thrown in), for a long long time.

Ramblerambleramble

I feel like giving a quote for today.
So here: "Life is a jueey" by Dee, who should really really blog again!
<3

I've had a strange and fast couple of days. The festivities went by not-so-festively. The new job is quite meh and the timings are already getting to me. But I still prefer it to unemployment. I don't do much these days except work, sleep and read. But it's 5.30am, the crows are crowing (or do they caw?), the Azaan has begun and there are a number of things on my mind right now. And since it's my blog, I'm going to list some of them:

Body massage
Jammies
Ishaan
Baldness
Alice in chains
Rippling muscles
Blue glittery kite
Kickboxing
Right boob with extra sprouting nipple (this one's from a dream I had a few days back and I just can't stop thinking about how strange that is!)
Puppy
"Make the bed and go to sleep" on repeat
Fringe mag
Onions, milk...may be some eggs
3-12 3-12 3-12 3-12
Saph
Beach!

Anyway, I'm all geared up and excited about yet another "plan" that might not happen at all. I seem to not mind making plans, getting excited about them and then having them flushed down the potty too much these days. Wee!
But if this one DOES happen, I'll do at least one awesome/impulsive/fun/crazy/strange to others but fun to me/peaceful/creative thing a week.
Amen.

I've used the word "strange" thrice in this post :|

Oh and, optimism rules!

On 19th June 2009

I had loved you,
when I saw you smiling into the rear-view mirror
While you saw patterns in strewn match sticks,
I saw a photograph in your face.

I had loved you,
when we sat on the side of the road talking,
taking in the city sunset behind crowded flyovers.
I watched you get excited about a pile of stones, smiled.


I had loved you,
when we sat together in mundane coffee shops
waiting for the waiter to turn away, so we can slip in a kiss.
We smiled as we left and held hands till the parking lot.


I had loved you,
when your nails were dirty
and your knuckles a little sore,
I still have that sketch - cigarette ash on paper.

I had loved you,
when we lay on the floor and spoke about my insecurities.
You told me I was a writer.
I believed you.


I had loved you,
when you told me you loved me
amidst tears and smoke and an old geyser.
They probably heard us, but we didn’t care.


I had loved you,
when I stood out my door and hugged you everyday,
like it was our last.
I watched you ride away and resisted calling you back.


I had loved you,
when you tried to jive
and looked like a fool, a fool that made me smile.
That white shirt always made me smile.


I had loved you,
when we sat listening to music
and sipping Earl Grey, smoke leaking
from our kissed-red lips.


I had loved you,
when you held the guitar like a woman
and gave her all your love.
I wanted to be her, to own and be owned.


I had loved you,
when you painted and sketched
and wrote something new.
I told you I loved it, even if it missed an apostrophe.


I had loved you,
when we leaped into the sea
with the smell of waves and the sound of pot.
Laughing like children, dirtied with sand and salty water.

I had loved you,
when you laughed like a child,
loved like a man and
smiled like a saint.

I had loved us, darling.
We were the loneliness in a crowded bar,
that buzz between drink and drunk.

Pet joy!

Just a small note to say that tomorrow is Pet Adoption Day at CUPA. If you love animals or want to provide a home to one of them, you must be there between 10am and 5pm. Check out details of the event here.


I'm going to be there to finally pursue my dream of having a pet that's not a goldfish or a stray cat hidden at the back of my garage. I hope to bring home 2 lovely little guinea pigs tomorrow. I've researched on everything about them, thought about where I'll keep them, what I'll call them, made a list of things to buy for them and even started working on home-made toys for them. I haven't been this excited about anything since the time I realised I will never have to touch a math text again! Eep!

Yippity woop!

Hello all. I've been doing a lot of general reading and watching of movies lately. I suppose unemployment isn't as annoying when the whether is such. All the rain is lovely and all that, but it's beginning to get on my nerves.

Anyway, One of my poems is in the current issue of Fogged Clarity. I woke up on the 30th of September to an email from Ben Evans, stating that the October 2009 issue of Fogged Clarity is out. October came a little too early for those guys. YAYS! Poor Ben had nothing to put in the biography bit, but it looks great anyway. I'm totally kicked about it.

Although this morning I did wake up to a rejection from one of the magazines I had sent in submissions to. They loved my work, but didn't want to publish it because they consider stuff put up on blogs/Deviantart/other personal websites too as being previously published. I was disappointed. I mean, most of these magazines do mention that original rights to the work remains with the author. But I guess that's just how they work. So now if something I write is print-worthy, you may not see it till it's on some respectable magazine. I suppose. I still don't know how I feel about this.

New things, old already

Today, I took the usual auto that brings me to work after dropping off some kids at school. But, for no real reason I decided to sit on the opposite side, facing my back towards the driver. It was an eventful ride.

At one point I realised that that's exactly what my life is - moving into the future rapidly, but backwards. Not knowing where I'm headed, still holding onto the past, too afraid to turn away and look ahead. May be all this 'holding onto the past' thing is overrated anyway. May be there's just no need to let go.

Anyway, I've been terribly caught up with things lately.

In the past 2 months, a lot has happened. There have been new beginnings and ends.

My first actual job turned out to be nonsense, but I've convinced myself not to let it shit all over me (and my resume). I'm going to start afresh. It was a bad decision, but a helpful one. It taught me what utmost corporate crap can be like. I just can't comprehend how people live with jobs they don't enjoy all their lives!

It's been a while since I decided this is not for me, but I'm still here. I have verbal reasons for my holding on to this job, but may be it's really just that I'm afraid. I can almost see myself reverting back to the 'No job-no life-no love-no nothing' phase. And it's not pretty. But this time, it's not going to happen. This time, I'm going to try and enjoy my unemployment for however long it lasts. Which will probably be as long as it takes for me to find a good job. Good, not decent.

On the bright side though, two of my poems have been accepted for publishing. So my work will be published in two different literary magazines (one in print and the other online) in October. So that's one thing off the list! I'm thoroughly stoked!
This has been the most exciting news for me recently, apart from a swollen cheek.

The "Quarter-life crisis" - Part 2

I've recently graduated and plunged into the big ugly world of job-hunting. So far, there is Option A. Actually, it's more like a compulsion now. There are several reasons, but most importantly it's because I'm too egoistic to ask my parents for money and flew back to Bangalore so very haughtily, believing that I'm good enough to be a writer. If this does not work out, I'm back to square one of job-hunting. Except this time, I will be alone, impoverished and slightly demotivated.

Why, what about option B?

Well, there is no immediate Option B. There are signs of it somewhere behind the fog and it will eventually come to the clearing, but starving till it does seems to be a poor substitute for Option B.

Anyway, I've (once again) realised that there is too much to do and too little time. A career, post graduation, learning French, traveling, a house for dad's 60th, a house of my own, a parallel career in editing, becoming a fairly published online writer, an advertising agency/publishing house of my own, love, marriage, children, pets, voluntary work, an "experience" with a Brit/Irish man...
There are just too many things!

I feel once again like I did every time I looked at my 10th grade Math text and said to myself: "Jan, you're just too young to face so many problems. A book full of it, too!"